Sunday, January 25, 2015

Run Called On Account Of Attacked By Squirrel

And I was just lamenting this morning that I didn't have any ideas for blog posts...

This afternoon, my dogs and I were running down a hill, on a sidewalk bordered by a brick retaining wall. About 15 feet ahead, I spotted a squirrel. He looked a little...loopy, like he'd maybe gotten clipped by a car or something, and he seemed to be trying to climb the brick wall. 

I stopped my dogs, who had seen the squirrel too, and started to back up, so we could cross the street without climbing through the giant snow bank. All the while thinking, aw, poor little guy, maybe I'll come back with the car later and see if he's still there. Maybe I can get him down to the wildlife rehab. Before I could get us out into the street, though, the squirrel turned, and saw us, too.

Then he charged. 

(Side note: I'm feeling a little betrayed right now. I've always been a huge squirrel fan. Hell, I just tweeted about Squirrel Appreciation Day on Wednesday. I kind of think the squirrel community at large owes me an apology.)

There wasn't any time to get away. All I could do was try to hold the dogs back. I kicked the squirrel, but even as he was flying through the air, he was still trying to come back at us—

Then Dobby grabbed him. And that was the end of the squirrel. Think the last thirty seconds of the Mountain vs the Viper in Game of Thrones. Fast, bloody, gruesome, lots of screaming. 

My advice for seeking crime scene cleanup help—choose someone you trust, with a fast response time. 

"Hey. So, I need you to come to the corner of 5th and Lafayette, and bring a garbage bag." 

To his credit, my husband is a man of swift action, who asks few questions (which is ideal, if you're married to me), and arrived shortly thereafter to bundle me, the dogs, and the dead squirrel into the car. 

Dobby, with his vanquished foe

And now here I am, sitting on the floor of the emergency vet on a Sunday afternoon, still in half my running clothes, with a shaking hero dog and a dead squirrel in a bucket, the last of which is the lucky winner of an all-expenses-paid trip to Harrisburg to have his brains examined for rabies. 

Notable quotes of the day:

"Honey, can you put that dead squirrel in my car please?"

"I'm being careful, that's all. Look, we've all seen Old Yeller. Nobody wants it to go down like that." 

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